i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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