Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
