How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
