I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
and you fell through a lawn chair
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
