im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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