I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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