Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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