i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
