I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
