It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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