How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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