So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
