There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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