i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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