My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I love having hate sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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