I'm going to jail i love you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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