I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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