I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
