remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
