Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We are two peas in an std pod
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
