fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
