SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
