Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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