Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm too high and old for this...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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