god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
