So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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