i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
