i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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