weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
