I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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