Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
