So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
