my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
