maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
