Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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