It was confusing and full of hummus
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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