we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
