the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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