Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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