Girls should come with a carfax report
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
