considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
