So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize