At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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