M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
