I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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