you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
