i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
