im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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