I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
