Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
only if we run a train.
done.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
