But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
