before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
