I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
