**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
