I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
