I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
