Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
