She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize