You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my poor anus
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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