I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize