so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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