Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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