I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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