1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So vagazzling was a success
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
