It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
