it wasn't lemon gatorade
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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