whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
